When exactly does an eagle realize its wings are the most powerful? It’s hard to tell because no one sees the number of times they have to fly, fall, and try again. We only see them soar and marvel at how powerfully they glide over clouds we only dream of reaching. Shortly after they are hatched, the wings of an eaglet begin to grow, and soon enough, they learn to use them. People often tell me I’ve grown wings, that I have changed, and my personal favourite: ‘I have become unbecoming’.
If my life had a chorus, it would be these words: “Hei! Shut up! How dare you? Don’t say such things!” I hear them all the time now, whenever I open my mouth. I hear them when I say what I truly want out of life. Three years ago, I would have spent time wondering why, but now, I know. Apparently, it’s an error to want more out of life than a husband and babies tugging at my skirts.
Read – Granny, a Drop that Coloured an Ocean – A Creative Non-Fiction by Elizabeth Hanai, Tanzania
I was not always like this if I am being honest. Society does a number on a young woman’s mind right from the start. We are given dolls to dress up, cooking sets to play with, and brooms to sweep, when we turn three. We start rehearsing for marriage and motherhood. Nobody asks us if we want to be wives or mothers.
They say marriage is a crown that a man bestows on a woman’s head. An unmarried woman is a disgrace. An unmarried woman is unfulfilled. An unmarried woman is incomplete, because how terrible do you have to be for no man at all to choose you? Divorce is even worse, you know, because how could you not keep a man – the very purpose of a woman’s existence?
Read – When Nana Kwame Died – A Creative Non-Fiction by Alvin Akuamoah, Ghana
I was always the ‘good girl’. I always tried to be the one everyone was happy with. I would never question anything if it was, indeed, what my mother and the Bible said was right. My happiness never mattered. What I wanted did not matter, because if it was not what my religion and society dictated, then it was not worth thinking about.
I remember reading a book that forced me to think. It was a compilation of stories of brave Muslim women. As I read their stories of rebellion and their quest to live the lives they wanted, every thought I had brushed aside rose into my consciousness like bubbles from the bottom of boiling water. I had always known I wanted a different life, but I had somehow convinced myself that what I had accepted was the only way. Now, through their words, I had found people like me, who had broken free and were living life on their own terms.
Read – Reminiscent Goodbye – A Creative Non-Fiction by Yipah Reuben, Nigeria
Just like an eagle learning to fly, I had done this so many times: trying to be a feminist. Who would have thought it would be so difficult to accept that I am a full human being, deserving of equal opportunities and rights? These women were the inspiration I needed to break free. Thanks to them, I learned it was okay to be free, to not want your life to revolve around an imaginary man. They changed me.
I live my life on my own terms now. I do not do things because I want anyone to approve. I do things because I want to do them. I choose what’s best for me. Of course, I consider the people around me, because what’s the point of being liberated if my liberation oppresses other people? I have become many women throughout my entire life, but I know this is the woman the little girl I once was would love to meet. Through this woman, I will help others choose to be free because someone did the same thing for me.
This Creative Nonfiction was published in the October 2022 edition of the WSA magazine.
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