I recently waltzed into a new decade of my life, guys. I woke up on my birthday feeling liberated from the targets set for me by family, friends, society and myself to meet before clocking 30. God in heaven knows I tried to meet them all, but I guess He alone knows best.
I feel liberated from the target set for me by my family, my dad especially, to marry before 25. Few days after my graduation he said to me…
“Better marry quickly now that you are fresh out of the university. I don’t want any agaracha in my house!” I am so glad He knows better; time is indeed a great teacher for both the young and old.
Those of you who know me, know how I fell into the trap of a religious fanatic just because I was trying to meet up with the “marriage target” when I was 24 years old. Thank God for delivering me and giving a fresh start. This life na wa oh!
I feel liberated from the career target set for me by “my school friends.” The idea was to make our first million at 22, live fancy-free in a rented apartment at 23 and own a luxury car at 24. Oh boy! See cruise…if only life was this straight forward. If wishes were horses, beggars would have a jolly ride mehn!
I feel liberated from contemporary societal standards… the kind of standards set by a community of confused “money miss road” socialites who know nothing about my struggles, pain, background or dreams. The kind of crazy standards that throw happy people into a state of madness and frenzy because they do not have a certain type of waistline, bust size or hip line. Just the other day, a colleague of mine at work wailed about how unattractive she felt because she did not have full hips and breasts.
“Ugbede leave all this one you are talking oh! I am ready to go to any length just to have big boobs and ass…there is this Hajiya at Wuse market who sells breast and bum enlargement pills. Babe! This woman even mixes Half-caste lightening cream. When I am done using the complete set ehn…you sef go toast me”
“Wawu! Gelato on point!” I respond diplomatically.
Heaven knows I felt and still feel a deep sense of pity for her. Pity because it will lead her down a never-ending dark road. Guys! You all know “Black don’t crack” right? I remember when I tried bleaching my skin in my early twenties because I wanted to look “exotic”. It was a total disaster the moment I could no longer afford the “Half-caste set”. People of God! I looked like an old woman on crack!!! Thank God my skin healed and bounced back.
I feel liberated from the unrealistic standards I set for myself – “Happy ever after” without worries, challenges or troubles. One true love to walk into the sunset with – the kind of love that is void of betrayal; the pure kind of love that can only be found in the bosom of the Lord. I was such a naïve and unrealistic creature. Looking back now, I realize how pathetic my expectations and standards were.
I feel liberated from the grudges I carried for years because of the betrayals I experienced with friends, lovers and family members. Those grudges were nothing but venomous burdens. I made a decision to cast my burdens aside and love even harder. Oh yes! The more betrayal I encountered, the harder I loved the next time. This act alone brought genuine peace to my heart, soul and spirit.
When I clocked 29, I felt lost and out of sorts. I was ashamed of who I was because my career was not blossoming after years of graduating from the university; even my artworks were being priced like crayfish. I had no set career path, spouse or children. I felt the universe had cheated me by dealing me unfair cards. I looked in the mirror and felt ashamed; I was not “someone worth knowing” because I spent the significant years of my twenties trying to find love and look a certain way instead of working hard at developing my talents and buttering up my university certificate by furthering my studies. I stared long and hard at myself in the mirror. I experienced an epiphany that spoke to my wounded ego and sad heart.
“The journey to wholeness begins with self-actualization”. The soulful message rested on my consciousness softly, but hit me like a sledgehammer. There and then, I decided to enrol for a professional course with the aim of transforming my raw talents into marketable skills. Not only that oh! My people, I prayed and cried out to the God of all creation from the core of my being. I prayed because my future, life and sanity depended on it. God being ever faithful blew wind upon my sails and gave me extra support and uncommon favour for every effort. People of God! There is God oh! I am a living testimony!
As it is, I have crossed over to the other side of twenty. I have no point to prove anymore; I have no set targets to meet because I basically failed woefully at achieving most of them before 30; the world has turned her attention to the upcoming ones. The spotlight is no longer on me so I am free to live my life the way I see fit. By failing to meet personal and societal expectations, I succeeded at gaining my own freedom. I’ve never felt so alive, so free, so beautiful…so accomplished. I do not have a husband and children at home, but I feel complete and well rounded because as an individual, I can now stand on my two feet financially with a career I am very proud… talk about “Rebirth 2.0”.
Read Food – An Article by Ugbede Ataboh, Nigeria
