“The devil finds work for idle hands”. That’s how my siblings and I learned that rest was not just a “luxury we could afford”, but that indulging in it can get us in serious trouble. And we were often in trouble.
Whenever our parents saw one of us resting, a task or some unfinished project would miraculously appear that required our attention. So it’s not surprising that my five siblings and I grew into adults who all exhibited symptoms of near burn-out at different times.
At various times we complained of symptoms indicative of depression and anxiety as we navigated a different world from that of our parents, all the while trying to “cast out the proverbial devil”.
We were raised by a generation of baby boomers, who like their parents before them, believed in the virtue of hard work as a protective factor against the social ills that prevailed in our community. To further reinforce the critical importance of not only hard work, but consistency, the example of young people in the community who had run afoul of the law was used to alert us of the result that awaits idle hands.
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Another strong impression on our young minds was left by the sight of our mother doing the housework so confidently. Since the arrival of unannounced guests could expose the housewife’s tardiness, our house was always clean. This also meant that the house had to be tidied up and, most importantly, the dishes washed before going to bed so that we would have a clean house in case an unexpected case of illness necessitated a visit to our home. One always had to be prepared, and we were on it. The wooden floors shone from the polish that had to be applied while kneeling, and the laundry was washed by hand because the modern washing machine was not trusted to thoroughly clean the collars of work shirts or remove grease from my father’s overalls.
We were admonished every time our mother saw one of us relaxing.
Sleeping late as teenagers also aroused her ire, because she believed in the old adage “strike while the iron is hot,” which in our house meant getting up early and having something to do. That usually meant chores. Academic homework was an acceptable substitute. If you did an assignment or a chore faster than everyone else, you did not gain any free time. It merely meant that you could help someone else with their task.
Anything less than focused attention to even the smallest detail meant that one was lazy. Being called lazy was an insult, implying that one was fundamentally flawed and in need of redemption. No one wanted to be considered lazy.
This is how my brothers and sisters kept themselves busy. Not by choice, I must add. To be industrious meant recognition, and all children, as psychologists remind us, seek the recognition of their parents. In addition to unconsciously seeking recognition, we also responded to the other childish need, that for attachment. Intuitively, we thought that we could only spend time with our mother if we did the housework together. We learned to suppress our need for quiet and instead chose the universal need for recognition and attachment to our primary caregiver. Rest was not an option until it was prescribed by the doctor.
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It is astonishing that rest should be prescribed for an adult in the digital age, in which intellectual progress is nothing short of astounding. We have moved beyond the Age of Enlightenment, which saw a revolution of thought and ideas that laid the foundation for much of what we have today, including the way we view the world, science and government. Now it seems almost condescending to be told to rest. And yet it is not.
The lessons we learned in our family about the meaning of rest needed to be unlearned. We had to relearn about the importance of rest.
At the time, we were not aware and did not have the emotional maturity to understand that the lack of rest was not good for our mother. That she, like many others in her generation, was taking herbal medications that, in retrospect, were commonly used to treat undiagnosed anxiety. It did not serve us siblings either, as we suffered from mental health issues while juggling many responsibilities without thinking about the toll it was taking.
A visit to a physician and subsequent referral to a clinical psychologist made me aware of the critical importance of rest. Initially, it was a great shock to hear that rest was the cause, or at least a major factor, in my impaired mental health. As I reflected on my busy life, I realised that I had not prioritised rest. I remember telling my therapist the sentence of the older generation in my family, which I had internalised, “that you rest when you are dead”.” The shocking realisation that by not resting, I had literally risked my life.
In this way, I and some of my siblings learned that taking care of our mental health, which includes rest, is critical to good mental health. We now know the importance of practicing self-care routines that help manage stress and anxiety. Journaling and yoga are cornerstones that are added to other measures, including physical exercise and being out in nature.
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Rest, we have thankfully learned, can help with the following; stress reduction, emotional balance, improved cognitive function and enhanced mood.
Although the benefits of rest are inestimable, the process requires the daily practice of mindfulness. The default setting of always being busy, reinforced by the demands of life in general, requires that one make a daily resolution to rest. Creating a structure and even setting timers and alarms help focus on physical and mental well-being.
So while our parents’ cautionary adage, ‘the devil finds work for idle hands,’ still echoes in our ears as a warning against rest, it’s no secret that in today’s fast-paced world busyness is practically a badge of honour. We often overlook the fact that rest is not the devil’s playground but rather a sanctuary for our sanity.
Deep down, we know that finding time to rest isn’t just a battle against the devil; it’s a fight with our own frenzied schedules and a quest to reclaim our peace of mind. So let us be the valiant knights of quiet, even if we stumble occasionally in this constant battle with busyness, for in those moments of quiet we may discover that the devil can be quite a procrastinator when it comes to mischief, and our spiritual well-being becomes the ultimate victor in this epic struggle.
This Creative Nonfiction was published in the December 2023 edition of the WSA magazine.
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