A few years back, I stopped feeling like a writer. So, I sat down with my writing coach to find out what was holding me back. It turns out that I was not writing so, I did not feel like I deserved the title.
I am sure you thought well… write! That was not the situation. I had experienced grief in an intense way and even though writing helped me clear my head at first, it did not bring me into newer experiences.
So, I read other people’s writings. I wrote more reviews, I focused on moderating debates, hosting more interviews and having more industry dialogue.
At the time of my conversation with my coach, this was where I was – living a non-writing writer’s life. He said some things to me that day that forever changed how I used to show up as a creative.
He made me realize that learning and breathing breaks are part of a healthy creative circle
He showed me how repetitive writing when in the same headspace bred stagnancy
He pointed out ways my new adventures were diversifying my business perspective of writing
All these things were taught in less than three minutes via WhatsApp text. I am the voice note sender but my coach likes to cross his Ts and dot his I’s. This little conversation that could pass as mere banter from a leader to a learner ended up holding the key to how I manage my ebbs and flows as a creative.
You may not be grieving like I was but perhaps, you are experiencing an influx of requests from publishing companies asking you to send manuscripts or you are the new big name trending on magazine covers or you are trying to float your own magazine, wherever you are on this journey, you need people.
Dear Affluent Author, creative writing is not a one-man show. You need people who can see the light in you when you cannot see it in yourself. You need people who are more concerned about your health than they are your craft. You need people who listen to your voice and not just your characters. You need people who can power you through the ebbs and flows of life.
I am a therapist so I understand first hand how impostor syndrome makes people sabotage themselves. Yet, it took someone with more experience as a writer to look at me and say you are not writing now but when you write again it will be more robust because you have been learning.
Dear Affluent Author, Who is in your corner? If your publisher calls you and says “the market rejected your book” who would you reach out to for comfort? Who will make you laugh even if you had tears in your eyes?
Relationship skills are not the opposite of creative skills. If anything, our creativity should allow us to bond better. However, relationships cannot be forced.
An older friend of mine, a poet, was on social media recently and someone sent him a message asking how they can be a known name like him. I thought the question was quite underwhelming since these two people do not have an established relationship but it goes downhill from here. This social media person shows up again and begins another conversation with “Hi, why haven’t you bought my anthology?” When my friend asked if this person had attempted to get any of his own published books, our social media mentee responded with “how much is the cheapest?”
Affluent people are not just popular; they are people who know others. The problem with us as writers is that we are trying to be the most popular, bestselling authors who do not want to make connections!
I can go to my coach because I have invested time, energy and resources into that relationship. Your friend can kick-off their book sales at their local library because they have been nice to the librarian all this while. What about you?
Perhaps the reason you do not get assistance, mentorship or partnerships as a writer is because you are terrible at building connections! Partnerships are harder when we walk into rooms trying to network for projects; people know when you are just looking to use them.
My coach had seen me create long enough to know that my non-writing season was not failure but a growth opportunity.
Dear Affluent Author, who knows you enough to inspire you? More professionally, who do you have personal relationships with that can recommend you in the rooms you do not have access to?
You think you need a publisher but I think you need a coach. You say you need money to start but I think you need a writing community. You believe you need to be popular but I think you need to be collaborating.
How to build relationships as a writer
Writing and Reading communities: these are designed for people like you who are in love with words. Here, you do not have to put up a facade. These people will ensure your love for the art does not die.
People sometimes complain that these communities are political. Well, they do become political when everyone prioritizes networking to sell their craft over the love of writing. While you may stay within the big influential ones, I recommend you join a community that focuses on the art itself and while you are there, do not mess it up.
Professional coaches: I know you do not like the idea of paying someone for something you can do. However, if all you know is all you need, you will be where you wanted to be by now.
Creative retreats and conferences: think about places you have never been, people you have never met or topics you have never considered. Give yourself the opportunity to meet people and dialogue without the pressure of a deadline or a project.
The best time to build relationships and support systems was long before you ever needed anything.
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Read – Creative Expression – Affluent Authors Column – Liza Chuma Akunyili
