In a few months, I shall be turning thirty. Dirty thirty. The third floor, as many call it. Looking back at the last couple of years (say post-twenty-five), I realize that my perspective on so many things has changed. If you asked me what fulfilment in the workplace/in my career looked like back then, I’d have probably painted a mental picture of me working at a certain company, in a certain role, and earning a very specific amount of money. Over time, however, my idea of fulfilment in the workplace has grown into more than earnings and the entity. The nature of the work environment for example is a crucial aspect for me now. Is it healthy or is it one of those organizations that has great remuneration but will drive you to the verge of insanity with its toxic work culture? Don’t get me wrong, I am not implying that I do not appreciate a healthy cheque. No sir mister! I mean, how else will I pay for the trip to go shake what my mama gave me on a yacht in Dubai in a you-know-what!?
Another area of my life in which the visualization of fulfilment has morphed is relationships. A younger version of me would probably imagine the ideal relationship to be one where I spend quality time with my person, gallivanting across the country, him spoiling me and I, him, just good vibes, good times and all things rainbows and unicorns. My current self though would choose peace, faithfulness, respect, and security over all other flowery, heart-melting deeds. Much as I was privy to the importance of these values back then, they did not carry the same weight they do now. We could probably attribute their rise in the ranks to the premium tears shed in the course of life’s school of character development but that’s a story for another day. Either way, at this point in my life, if the road trips, quality time, and love bombing are accompanied by disrespect, gaslighting, manipulation and abuse of any form then give me zero ma’am because I am not the one!
If you look at social media platforms, everybody seems to be living a very accomplished life. On Instagram for example, people are on vacation every weekend. Those not vacationing are either getting engaged, married or welcoming their bundles of joy. Heck, some are even getting engaged and going on vacations! Families are growing, friendships are thriving, partnerships are being forged and nobody is struggling. And that’s just Instagram. We have not even gotten to LinkedIn, the Instagram for professionals where everyone is a boss and the owner of one company or another. In an age where there is so much visibility of other people’s lives – even if just the highlights – it is very easy to get caught up in the rut of playing catch up, trying to emulate the seemingly perfect lives of others.
The Cambridge dictionary defines fulfilment as a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction because you are happy with your life. Question is, what does that look like for you? Is it living in a huge mansion built with your sweat and blood in the leafy suburbs of the city or a decent, sizeable house with basic amenities, nothing lush or bourgeoisie? Is it a lifestyle of opulence, what many call the soft life, or one of simplicity and ease, not keeping up with the latest trends and scents? See, each person’s concept of fulfilment is determined by a myriad of things – one’s value system, upbringing, past experiences and traumas, among others. Someone who comes from lack, for example, may envisage a fulfilling life to be one in which they live in abundance, never being in lack. Someone who comes from a background of abuse, on the other hand, may imagine a fulfilling space to be one in which love, grace, and peace abound. Fulfilment looks different to different people.
As a society, we need to understand that just because the other person’s idea of fulfilment does not align with ours does not mean that they are wrong. Where one’s idea of fulfilment may be based on their financial status, for others it may be defined by their quality of life, money or lack of it notwithstanding. We often hear stories of people looking down on others, mostly because of different financial status, those with less being deemed less ambitious or complacent. Truth is, there is a very thin line between fulfilment and complacency. It is easy for one to be comfortable with being an under-achiever in the name of being fulfilled, which in my opinion, is a very sad way to live one’s life. Sadly, at the end of the day, it’s a personal call. Only you can introspect and honestly figure out whether you are fulfilled or being complacent.
Read – Another Look at Lust – An Article by Joseph Olofinkua, Nigeria
In the same breath, only you can decide what fulfilment looks like for you. Once you do, you have to stand by your truth. You have to be willing and ready to live by it unapologetically, whether or not it makes sense to society. In today’s society, people will constantly have unsolicited viewpoints on whatever decision you make. People who want riches will still be maligned by those who consider riches materialistic. Those who are pro-simplicity will also be spurned by those who consider wealth essential. Despite the unwelcome voices in our lives, we have to be bold enough to live in our fulfilment and be at peace.
Also, virtual and physical society should extend grace to others, let people be. Maybe then it will be easier for social media influencers and those in the limelight to live life on their standards, within their budgets, and not bow down to societal pressure to put up facades of certain lifestyles. Maybe then more people will come home to themselves and embrace the reality and beauty of their lives, much as it may be different from what society paints as ideal.
As you go through life today, decide what fulfilment looks for you, pursue it, and live it out. Do not get caught up in the vicious cycle of comparison and competition lest yours be anything but a fulfilled stay on earth.
Published in the November 2021 Edition of the WSA Magazine
Awesome article Abby. This is something I’ve been coming to terms with for the past couple of years. How personal life is and trying not to inform my decisions on other people. Fulfillment for me is having enough and being at peace but then I wonder how will I leave my mark on this world? Still I know it is something that will happen slowly and as it should be only of I live my life, authentically me.
Dirty thirties, haha. I’m also there. But I’m holding on to this 29 like it’s plastered on my forehead.
Thank you for sharing.
Do enjoy your day.
Stay blessed.